“I broke up with my bf because he’s a loner”

By December 19, 2019Local Life

TL;DR – Perhaps it should be “I broke up with my bf because I don’t love him in the first place.”

There is a lot of gem in the Facebook page, NUS Whispers, where NUS students, past and present, can make confessions anonymously. Some people upload questions to crowdsource for answers, some people share their deepest secrets, and of course, some people just troll. I’d imagine that not all contributors/posters are really NUS undergraduates or of NUS alumni.

Regardless, some of these posts make fantastic material for entertainment or even bedtime reading.

Just today, there’s a post by a young lady who confessed that she has broken up with her 25-year-old boyfriend whom she has known for two years and been together for a year. Just “because he’s a loner”.

In her post, she shared some incidents and examples to show how he’s a loner.

  • In the two years she has known him, he had only gone out a handful of times with his school friends and one cousin.
  • His Whatsapp is mainly of to-and-fro between him and her, and regular text messages from his family.
  • He works out by himself everyday.
  • He watches football and plays FIFA on his own.
  • He can go weeks without talking to anyone except for his family and her.

She said that “he had so much time on his hands that he was always there for me, every impromptu lunch, every text at whatever time, he replied, he showed up.”

She also said, “He refuses to change himself, he says he likes stability and is working on himself. But you won’t grow just by being alone. You grow by talking, sharing, giving and being surrounded by people.”

So she asked him to “at least watch football at a coffeeshop” so that he can be around people, find some football fans online so he can talk to people.

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She said she cannot stand it, so she is moving on with her life. But still, she is worried for him. She shared,

“He refuses to change himself, he says he likes stability and is working on himself.

I asked him, “Have you felt happy in the recent few years?”

He replied, “No. I feel peaceful and that’s enough for me.”

Loneliness is very difficult. I’m worried for him maybe because of guilt but idk what to do for him.”

You can read her entire post here.

But there is a difference between being a loner and being lonely.

Or perhaps he is just an introvert and not really a loner. And being an introvert simply means he prefers to spend time alone in order to recharge. An introvert enjoys time alone without unwanted distractions and stimulation; small talk tends to drain an introvert’s energy rapidly.

Nothing wrong with this, right? It takes all kinds to make the world, and introverted people who prefer to spend time on their own is just one of the many kinds.

While this ex-girlfriend worries for her ex-boyfriend’s state of mind and how “loneliness is very difficult”, the ex-boyfriend, in fact, feels at peace.

It sure sounds to me it’s just a matter of mismatched personalities and expectations. Some loners are loners by choice, and they’re happier this way. It’s also a myth that all loners are lonely or sad, depressed, dark, or whatever. I, for one, am quite the loner too and lovin’ it.

This comment said it well and I agree that this ex-girlfriend should “wake up her goddamn idea”.

And oh, here’s one more noteworthy comment,

 

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(Featured image via)

 

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Maggie O

Author Maggie O

Digital extrovert. Social introvert (warning: 93% introverted!) In the day, I work at the labour movement to put cai-png on the table and ice-cream in the fridge. In the night, I read a lot and write a little. Also, all views expressed in my contribution pieces here are based on my personal opinions, and they do not reflect the ideas, ideologies, or points of view of my employer (past, current and future).

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