TL;DR – Foreign friends, bear these in mind!
Some of you may know about this YouTube star called Namewee. He did a song about important Japanglish (Japan English) words.
He’s back with more travel advice. This time, it’s for non-Singaporeans who are planning to visit Singapore.
In the video, he talks about what you should do, what you shouldn’t do, things that, if you do, will get you arrested, or get you on the news. Here’s his list:
Stay under the speed limit
He warns people who are planning to drive in Singapore that the country is full of speed cameras. So, no matter what car you drive, whether Lamborghini, Ferrari, or Myvi, you must stick to the speed limit, which is at most 90km/h. He further advised that if you leg very itchy, feel the urge to press the accelerator, don’t. Apply some anti-itch cream. Best is to follow the speed of the car next to you. Then definitely won’t have trouble (actually… not quite true la… some Singaporeans are speedsters too…).
But if you accidentally exceed the speed limit, and want to drive back to Malaysia, then you will be detained by the customs officers. And you have to pay the fine before you can go leave Singapore. If you don’t have money, and don’t have friends in Singapore, you will still have to settle, otherwise, you’ll kena block till you die. So… to avoid all of the drama, best is to ride into Singapore on Honda C70. Then sure won’t get over the speed limit…
Chewing gum is prohibited
Yes. We all know this. Namewee “explained” how this law came about. So apparently, once upon a time, someone was chewing gum, then anyhowly spat it out at a MRT station and caused the train to be stuck (if only that’s legit, then at least SMRT can blame someone else for train disruptions…). As a result of that incident, Singapore has since banned chewing gum.
BUT. If you die die still have to chew gum, Namewee suggested that you put some minty things like toothpaste in your mouth, then chew some soft soft rubber like thing (gee… we wonder what that would be…), and imagine you are chewing gum.
Don’t anyhow smoke
In Singapore, you can’t just smoke anywhere you want. And, according to Namewee, if you smoke on the road, in your car, at any place that’s under a roof, all of that’s illegal. According to him, the only place you can smoke at are places marked by a “yellow box”. Even if it’s raining, that’s the only place you can smoke. Don’t think that just because it’s raining, you can smoke under a shelter. Because in Singapore, the police is everywhere, and they’ll definitely arrest you for smoking illegally.
In Singapore, you’ll get fined for littering. And it’s illegal to spit in public. If you kena caught for those, you’ll be fined. If you kena caught for those three times, you’ll be made to sweep the roads (corrective work order). Worse, when you are sweeping the roads, you will have to wear a tag that says that you are a litter bug.
And there will be people who will take photos of you and post it on social media for your family to see, for that crush of yours that you have been eyeing to see, and for the whole world to see! That’s why, when you are sweeping the floor, you’ll need to look really cool.
Cannot anyhow sing songs
If you think you are talented and want to be a busker, you need a license. According to Namewee, you can’t anyhowly sing along the road in Singapore. You can only sing at spots specially designated by the government. If you don’t get license and just anyhowly sing, if you kena caught, you’ll be fined or jailed up to 3 months, or both.
Don’t feed the birds
Normally, we are encouraged to protect small animals. But in Singapore, if you see a small bird bird, and think it’s cute and want to feed it…. DON’T! Because if you do, and you are caught, then, because of one small bird bird, you’ll be fined up to SGD500!
Don’t anyhow shout when watching football
Like Malaysians, Singaporeans like to watch football. But watching football alone is very boring. So a lot of Singaporeans like to go to kopitiams or bars to watch football to watch a lot of people. But in Singapore, if you watch football and there’s a goal, be careful. Don’t express your joy by shouting out. If you shout “GOAL!!!” you may kena complain, then may kena arrested.
But it’s difficult to contain that joy. Forcing yourself to do so might result in internal injuries. So. If you really need to shout “GOOAAAL!!”, immediately drive over into Malaysia, then shout. Shout finish then go back to Singapore.
Don’t anyhow pee
Guys. It may be hard to control where your pee goes.
Sometimes it shoots right, sometimes it goes left. If you accidentally anyhow spray and dirtied the place, Namewee advised that you clean up. Because if you dirty the place, or pee and don’t flush, according to Namewee, you’ll kena fine.
And, in Singapore, there’s apparently advance technology to detect urine. So don’t think that just because you aren’t heaty and your urine is clear, you can anyhow spray. Police will still catch you!
Beware of Steven Lim
And, according to Namewee, the most important thing to be wary of in Singapore, is Steven Lim. He’s everywhere. Don’t ask why you must be wary of Steven Lim. Just be. Otherwise, you might bump into him in Orchard Road and Kena “Stevened”.
Take the above with pinch of salt (obviously)
Obviously a lot of the above are exaggerations. We do have some laws that are quite… draconian. But… not to that extreme lah hor… Right? Erm. Ya.