TL;DR – Pain. Confusion. Comfort. All at once.
If you’ve never experienced a real authentic Thai massage before… Well, it is definitely a back-breaking, thought-provoking experience. Some people absolutely love the pain and some people really hate it. For all you first timers who are considering a trip down to your nearest massage place soon, this guide will probably be useful.
1) Ahhh.. Everything smells so nice and calming. I am zen.
2) Wait, what? What’s the robe for?? No one told me I had to strip?!
3) Am I supposed to take off everything or keep my undergarments on? HELP!
4) Brr.. Why is the room so cold!!
5) Err.. now… what? Do I lie down and pose? Where’s the masseuse? Is she here yet? Nope!
6) Omg, she’s here! Quick! Shut your eyes!!
7) Hope she doesn’t think that my feet stinks…
8) Ahh.. that feels good… Nooo. OWWWWW *cringe* THATS.MY.NERVES!
9) She wants me to flip over…Okay try not to look like a dead seal..
10) Oh goodness, she’s touching my back…
11) I wonder if she can see my goosebumps popping up.. awkward…
12) She’s slathering so much oil on me now.. I feel like a slippery dolphin.
13) Please don’t talk to me… Please don’t… Oh crap… *awkward laugh*
14) Ow.. OW.. Ow… Didn’t know that this muscle existed!?
15) This feels so weird…
16) IS SHE JUDGING MY BODY?!
17) Omg.. I swear if she does this again.. I might accidentally kick her…
18) Am I allowed to tell her it hurts? CAUSE. IT’S. SO. FREAKING. PAINFUL!!
19) Must maintain the poker face I. AM NOT. A. WIMP.
20) OW… Fuuuuuuu!!!
21) WHY IS SHE JABBING MY STOMACH!?
22) Omg.. I feel my dinner coming up.
23) Keep breathing… *inhale* *exhale*
24) What… is… she… doing?! Is she supposed to pull my hair?!
25) Isn’t this supposed to be relaxing?!
26) I SWEAR SHE HATES ME.
27) Maybe I’ll try to count sheep… 1… 2…
28) Ooh that feels nice.. YESSSSSSS. I could get used to this..
29) What if… She was a secret spy and was going to snap my neck?!
30) Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts.
31) Omg.. why is one hour passing…. so… slowly!! *whines*
32) OWWWWWWW… THAT CRACK!!!!!!!
33) *breathes heavily* Is it over???
34) Do I have to lie and say it was awesome? *fake smile*
35) Oh.. now they’re giving me hot tea to make up for that torture? Hah. Good try.